when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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