I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
