I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
