remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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