we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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