How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
