I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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