My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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