So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
