i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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