He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
