She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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