How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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