dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
