even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
