his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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