i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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