I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also, beer. Big fan.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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