I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
