I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
