Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize