my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
