so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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