Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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