she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
