But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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