ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
