happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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