Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
