Don't make out with my wife yet
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
