I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize