i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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