my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
