I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
