i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
