i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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