I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
