I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
