he was CRYING into my vagina
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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