I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
