i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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