genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
