Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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