Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
