I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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