i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize