OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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