You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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