Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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