haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
