I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
