Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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