I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
