you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
