I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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