My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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