MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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