yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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Operation Purity has been aborted
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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