Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
two words...techno handjob
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
