Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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