I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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