All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
