it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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